Posts Tagged ‘GPS’

God Positioning System

November 9th, 2009

Hello,

As promised here is my first religious essay, I hope you enjoy, there will be more to come!

Our Lord is just like all those standard GPS devices that you find in almost every car now. In His case, the three letters abbreviation “GPS” we use to describe such a system means “God Positioning System” instead of ‘‘Global Positioning System”. At the opposite of a conventional GPS on which you can lookup several different destinations, he is preset to only lead you to one single destination and uses only the most optimized path according to Him to do so. This destination is common to all and known by all. If you follow his path, the GPS will lead you to Heaven at the feet of our Lord. Since we are all leaving from a different starting location and we each have a different way of transportation, the path and the different pit stops we make to get there will be different for each one of us. All you need to do is to follow the line he draws on your screen and I can assure you that you will get to destination safely. But if you take the wrong exit, no matter how many time you miss the exit, do not worry, he will always automatically recalculate a new road for you in order to bring you back on track as quickly as possible. To do so you only need to do a u-turn when indicated. Unlike a car GPS, our Lord GPS never loose reception in remote areas or in tunnels, His system works everywhere in the universe at full reception and is flawless. Since His signal is 100% universal and backward compatible with all the previous technologies so anyone pointing his antenna at the right angle can catch His signal. Best part of all, this system is packed with a never ending battery, just so you never get short of power when you need it the most like with all those other gadgets.

Please note: Such device cannot be bought in store as it is exclusively reserved and freely given to all upon baptism.

Act fast! Stocks are unlimited.

*See the Holy Bible for more details.